


Hopeless Home

by orphan_account



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Crying, Gen, M/M, Root A episode 12, anime compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-20
Updated: 2015-04-20
Packaged: 2018-03-24 21:28:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3784864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hide's perspective during the events of episode 12</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hopeless Home

**Author's Note:**

> This happened because I've been reading a lot of Hidekane fics about ep 12 and I hadn't really found one that took it from Hide's perspective so then this happened?

He had just seen Takizawa Seidou nearly sliced in half right in front of him. The ghouls were some kind of leaders of Aogiri or something close and he had to get away. And the ghoul’s head turned completely around, something he wasn’t sure should be physically possible for anyone. So many people were dead, killed like they were nothing, and he didn't even have a quinque.

Technically he really wasn’t supposed to be there. He was just a part-timer at the office. But it was almost too easy to slip on the CCG armor and file in to a van he didn’t belong in. And that ended up taking him to here, which was desperately running from a ghoul with a mask that didn’t even have holes for eyes.

He turned around as fast as he could, forcing his feet to run. He had to find Kaneki, that was why he was here. He was certain that Kaneki would be here, too, that's why he went out into this.

He barely went more than a few steps, when there was a far too sharp pain on the left of his abdomen. He let out a small, choked cry as the cause of the pain left his side, and he fell face down onto the snow. He clutched at the wound, he could almost reach his hand inside of it. It was too deep, blood was freely pouring out, the ghouls were right to leave him for dead.

He kept his hand there, to keep some pressure on it, though that seemed to him it was more painful than letting it air. Because he absolutely had to get to Kaneki, he had to let him know that it was alright. He needed to tell his friend that he knew. He sat up shakily, leaning against the wall of the building next to him. He kept his hand above his hip, and just started walking. He didn't have any idea where Kaneki would be, but he needed to find him. He allowed himself to space out as he walked, he wasn't any more likely to figure out where Kaneki was either way, so he decided instinct was the best thing to go on.

He found him in the alley across the street from Anteiku, unsure how either of them got there. Kaneki had passed out on the ground, and it looked like he was really hurt as well, there was blood smeared on the wall, though his wounds were already closing on their own. Hide reached down with his arm, the one that he wasn't using to keep himself from losing too much blood. He didn't know why he was doing this, it would be so much easier to stay on the ground and wait for him to wake up. But he wanted his last moments with his best friend to be as peaceful as they could be, and he figured Anteiku would have supplies to help them both, or at least probably Kaneki.

So he knelt next to the rather limp form of his best friend and slung one arm over his shoulder, supporting him up with his non-bloody hand. It took longer than he would have liked to stand up with the added weight of Kaneki, and he was dragging the bottom of Kaneki’s legs through the bit of accumulated snow as he walked. The stairs were definitely the hardest bit. Were there that many stairs when he used to come here? It seemed like they added at least ten extra steps just for him. He tried to ignore the heavy thumping noise of Kaneki’s legs on each step as he went up, it probably wouldn’t really hurt him, right?

Hide was completely out of breath by the time he reached the little landing outside the door to the coffee shop. He let his body weight open the door, dragging Kaneki in with him. He laid Kaneki on the floor, figuring that if he healed at a steady rate, he’d wake up on his own. He went back to just clutching at his side and went into the back room, sitting (well really it was more falling) down next to a cabinet he was able to open. He let out a pained sigh as he reached into it, luckily able to find a first-aid kit without trying too hard. He pulled it out and pulled up his shirt made of some bullshit armor. It really didn’t do a good job of protecting them at all. He opened the kit, taking out the small roll of gauze inside and started wrapping it around his own middle. It was a pretty shoddy job, as he found out touching his own insides was rather painful, but he made sure to keep making it as tight as he could, until the roll ran out. He reached his hand up, holding on to the edge of the counter to pull himself up. He took a shaky breath as he tried to relax himself. The bandaging allowed him to stand on his own, at least for a little bit. He washed his hands off in the sink before looking around for whatever else was in the room. He found it cleaned out of anything that wouldn’t be found in a normal cafe, where the only things in the cabinets were mugs and glasses for coffee and different things used to brew it. The pantry was completely empty, the fridge held only water, and Hide sighed.

He pulled his shirt down over the bandages. He took out the water and one partially used can of beans, before realizing he was hopeless at figuring out what any of the machines were used for, or how to use them. He set the water in a kettle on the stove, looking around the place again to see if maybe they had a set of instant coffee. There was, thankfully, a single can of pre-ground beans, not exactly what he was looking for, but it was better than trying to figure out everything on his own. He might have laughed at his own helplessness when faced with a coffee machine if that wouldn’t send him to bleeding straight through the bandages. He put a filter into one of the things he’d seen them use to pour it through before, and then the ground beans, and waited for the water to boil.

The kettle signaled that the water was boiling, and he began pouring it into the carafe. He hoped he was doing it right, as now he realized he couldn’t recall how they really poured the water but they usually seemed to have something special with it. He looked out the opened staff door to see that Kaneki had stood up while he was trying to figure out how the whole coffee thing worked. He poured the coffee into two mugs and walked out with them in his hands.

And he felt like he had bled through his bandages.

He knew Kaneki was watching him as he walked, even though the lights were all off in the shop, and he put a smile on, hoping it would translate into his voice as well. “It’s surprisingly hard...to make coffee, isn’t it?” Kaneki’s breath was audible when Hide stepped into the light coming from outside. “Yo, Kaneki. What’s with the getup?” He smiled widely, and it was anything but forced. “That in style these days?” Kaneki seemed to be looking at him like he was a ghost (even though Kaneki definitely looked more like a ghost than he did), it was all he could do to stop himself from pulling his friend into a hug. Of course that probably wasn’t allowed, both because Kaneki still seemed to be processing what was happening, and Hide was becoming more and more aware of his side and he didn’t want to aggravate it any more.

Kaneki’s eyes were still wide, looking like he might actually start crying as he whispered out, as if in disbelief, “Hide…” He seemed to realize where he was and who he was with after that, because he immediately brought his hand up to cover his left eye, his ghoul eye, and his head tilted down, creating a shadow on himself in the already dark building.

Hide watched him with downcast eyes, as he felt almost guilty. Because he should’ve told Kaneki this earlier, because maybe he could’ve saved Kaneki at least a little pain. “Kaneki…” He looked up, to look straight into the face that was covered by white bangs and a bloody hand. “I knew.” He smiled, again, as it seemed like Kaneki was about to look at him again. “I knew.” He repeated with more force this time.

Blood easily seeped out of his bandages.

He took a sip from one of the coffee mugs (which tasted far too bitter) before setting it on the closest upright table. “This is gross, must not have been ready yet.” He said as he sat down. And wow, he wasn’t sure sitting down had ever felt so nice. He was weaker than he’d thought. He took a sip from the other coffee and grimaced. Was it possible for two coffees to come from the same pot but taste so different? Apparently, as this one was even worse. He made a noise of distaste, but let himself smile as he talked. “Sorry, Kaneki. This one’s bad, too.”

The light had left the windows, draping Kaneki in even more darkness, and he was still covering his face. Hide decided to keep talking, because he could clearly tell that Kaneki wasn’t going to. And this would be one shitty last experience if they just sat there in silence in the dark until he bled out. “I guess it couldn’t be that easy, huh?” He said it mostly to himself, but he was certain Kaneki could hear him.

So he smiled again, raising his voice slightly this time. “Oh, come to think of it, Kaneki, do you remember?” He knew he was repeating Kaneki’s name more than necessary, but it helped to ground him. “That time I got the crap beaten out of me by Nishio-senpai?” He was studying the shadowed face more that the light allowed him, but it was enough to see the recognition of the event when he clenched his teeth. “Yeah, to be honest, I thought I’d die.” He stood up, resting his hands on the table. This was probably a bad topic to bring up right now, but he wanted to let Kaneki know how he had found out. “I tried playing dead to get through it, but that guy really shows no mercy.” He moved to shrug, ignoring the pain to emphasize the story telling. He scratched his cheek aimlessly, it was a distracting motion, and he was all about distracting himself right now. “Well I guess there’s no helping it.” He put his hand back on the table as a light from outside lit up the room.

He looked out the window for a bit before speaking again. “Kaneki…” And there he goes again. He wondered if Kaneki was tired of hearing his own name yet today. “Thanks for going all-out trying to save me back then.” Kaneki’s expression seemed more than pained, as tears welled up in his eyes, at the memory of that time or Hide’s gratitude, he couldn’t tell. He moved his hand away from his face, though, and that’s what really mattered to him right then. It was more than a little disconcerting to see the black and red eye, but Hide couldn’t have cared less about it.

And his side had definitely bled through the bandages, he could nearly hear it on the floor.

“When I looked at the people at Anteiku, I thought, it sure is nice how they’re all so full of life, huh?” He had sat back down. He could clearly remember, almost visualize, the times he used to come and sit in the cafe as Kaneki worked, with all of the others. “And there you were, among them. It kind of felt like I was the only one being left out.” He shook the memory of them all from his mind for the moment, cupping the coffee mug with his terrible coffee in it with his hands. “And so I...I decided to do whatever I could. But with things finally ending up like this, there wasn’t really anything I could do on my own, huh?” He sighed a little, staring at his reflection in the darkened glass. He didn’t want to see how he’d made him feel right away with that comment, though he knew, it was how Kaneki always felt after having any smidgen of blame that could possibly be placed on him. “Kaneki, don’t go taking all of this on yourself so much. That’s something you’ve always done.”

“Mmhmm…” Kaneki let out, with possibly the faintest trace of a smile on his face. And it was mirrored by Hide.

And he thought he actually did hear blood hit the floor this time.

He pushed himself up to stand, leaning heavily on the table. “You know, Kaneki, you’ve gotten pretty famous.” He reached up to hold his own face now, covering his right eye, and grinned. “‘Eyepatch’ they call you.” He let his regular, his easy laugh into his speaking that was almost teasing, as he clearly saw a smile on Kaneki’s face. “You styling it up?”

And Kaneki started laughing. It seemed almost painful at first, and he had obviously not done it in a long time, but it was real. And it was more than Hide had ever hoped for. And he smiled with Kaneki because this was the best sight he had seen in a long time.

Until it wasn’t, and his expression fell into a pained grimace again. Now was a lovely time to realize that he was absolutely horrible at bandaging himself up, and there had to be at least one hole in the bandages, as blood started freely pouring again.

He let out the sounds he’d been holding in this entire time, and stumbled to the side, losing hold of his grip on the table. He fell to his knee, his hands falling into his own blood that had already dropped. He tried pushing himself back up again, his legs shaking as he’d lost too much blood already to stand, falling back to his knees, his hands instinctively going back to cover the wound. He tried looking up, he wanted to see Kaneki’s face again, he wanted to see Kaneki’s smile again.

“Hide..?” He heard, but he couldn’t see it, and he wanted to see it.

He forced his gaze up, but not enough to see his face again. The pain wasn’t hiding away anymore and it was all he could do not to scream. “I screwed up…” He could barely speak anymore, “just a little bit out there…” This time when he fell forward it was into Kaneki’s arm. Being held close like this was slightly comforting, even as his breaths came hard and pained.

“Hide…” He heard Kaneki say, his mouth seemed right next to his head. It probably was, but Hide could barely think straight.

“Kaneki…” He reached up, and grabbed Kaneki’s shoulder as if it was his lifeline. It might as well have been. He used it to pull himself up to look into Kaneki’s face. He didn’t want the last thing he saw to be his own blood on the floor. He forced himself to have a semblance of a smile. “Let’s go home.” He watched as Kaneki’s expression softened. It wasn’t a smile anymore, but it was the best thing to see, it was the only thing to see, but it was everything. “Let’s go home.” He repeated as he lost the grip in his fingers and collapsed fully into Kaneki.

He could barely feel anything, his head was resting on Kaneki’s folded legs, and the building around them was on fire, but it wasn’t hot. Kaneki held him almost lovingly. This wasn’t what he wanted, he hadn’t intended to make Kaneki upset for him, but it wasn’t like there was anything he could do. All his strength was focused on staying conscious, staying alive for the few seconds he could.

“Hide…” Kaneki said again. A tear dripped onto Hide’s face and he forced it into a smile. “Let’s go home, Hide.” He repeated the words back to him that he’d said earlier. “Let’s go home.”

But he was home, already, even as his thoughts faded away into nothing. He was home.

**Author's Note:**

> I literally cried while writing this I hope you know. Also I put in a small quote from the manga, I know, but besides that I made sure to keep it pretty much completely in line with the anime.  
> Tumblr is seiiseragakii so come let me know how you felt about this


End file.
